What do you think of when you hear the word “boundaries?” As a parent, here’s what immediately comes to mind: boundaries are the lines that I have drawn early on in life that enforce my needs and wants.
When you grow up without learning to enforce your boundaries, you will often find yourself bending over backward in order to accommodate others, leaving your needs on the backburner. Boundaries are not easy to establish or enforce, but they are SO necessary – let me explain why.
From a young age, so many children are taught to put the needs of others ahead of their own, ultimately teaching them to automatically comply with whatever someone else is asking of them. Let’s talk about why this is bad, especially when your child enters adulthood.
If at a young age, boundaries are not taught – then as an adult, boundaries will likely not be enforced. There are so many different types of important boundaries that teens need to be aware of: sexual boundaries, physical space boundaries, workplace boundaries, emotional boundaries… and the list goes on and on.
Of course, the first step to ensuring that your boundaries are respected is knowing exactly what they are. You can’t possibly expect someone to read your mind and know exactly what your needs are or how to make you feel safe.
Sit down with your teen this week and talk through some of their boundaries. Teach them that they need to give themselves the grace and permission to walk away from anyone who doesn’t respect their boundaries.
Walk them through some scenarios of simple boundary-setting:
- I don’t let friends borrow my clothes
- I don’t let anyone speak to me disrespectfully at work
- Please don’t look through my phone without asking
Encourage your teen to even write some of these down if they feel comfortable doing so. Teach them that some of these boundaries are non-negotiable, such as sexual boundaries.
The more your teen feels in control of their boundaries and what they may or may not choose to allow from other people, the more equipped they’ll be out in the world without parental supervision.
Don’t shy away from these conversations! Boundaries are wonderful things that are unique to each of us and help keep us and those around us accountable.
For more on helping your teens set healthy boundaries, reach out to Coach Red, a Delray Beach life coach. We are here to make families safe, and to have children be heard and loved. Be sure to subscribe to Coach Red on YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn so you don’t miss any of these great topics.