Guest post by Talia Strauss
Education is key. Openness is key. Honesty is key.
Choosing to adopt a child is a very vulnerable decision. Will the baby like their life here?
Will they accept me as their parent? Many questions fly through a parent’s head when making this choice. Even more so when adopting a baby from a different race. This is because there is more to consider since the baby’s culture is different.
In hindsight, the word “colorblindness”, referring to not being able to see the difference in a person’s skin color, would have a good connotation because one may think it is best for their child to not think about the color of a person’s skin.
However, this couldn’t be more of a disservice to that child. “By age 5, children see race as a major point of difference or distinction, even when it is not discussed” (Phillis Katz, 2000-2010) (westories.org)
This is a direct correlation to why color awareness is so important. Children are going to notice the difference in color either way. If we bring positive color awareness to our children they will think positively about this person.
Every child or person should be educated on different races and taught that yes, there are different races and differences in people, but every difference should be appreciated, celebrated, and learned from. “we want to create color awareness, not color blindness” (New York Times).
Education before and after an adoption is imperative to a successful adoption. In an interview with a transracial adoptive parent, she stated, “we read several books that were recommended to us by our adoption consultant. We also just simply sought out information by reading posts in adoption support groups on social media. We also talked to other adoptive families, both transracial and not. We did a lot of listening to what they had and what they were experiencing as both the joys and the possible challenges they felt they may face.”
Doing everything you can to get yourself educated is important for the child. Also, the learning never stops. There is always more to learn. It will be better for the child when the family is more open to learning about and then changing what might not be working. Keeping up with the child’s culture and heritage is a great way to make sure they do not feel lost in who they are.
A major part of this is learning how to care for a black child’s hair. In a pact adopt article by Lisa Lerner, she states, “…the bond created between mother and child through the intimacy of long hours spent weaving row upon row of tiny, tight, scalp pulling braids.” This bond is something no black child should miss out on.
This is such a huge way of bringing a child close to their heritage and culture. In the interview with the transracial adoptive parent mentioned above, she mentions how they found someone who was able to help her learn how to care for her child’s hair and this was something she was extremely thankful for.
Another thing this family does to stay connected is having books on influential people of color as well as books with characters of color. There is inevitably going to be backlash from some people about adopting a child of color, however, the best thing we can do is talk openly about racism and not turn a blind eye to it. We can also be proactive in life by standing up to those who do not support equality whether it be in school, work, or anywhere else.
With any adoption, honesty about the adoption is a must. A child can feel so lost and alone if they know something is different about them but don’t know what it is. The adoptive family should explain to the child how special they are. The adoptive family chose the child and how lucky they feel to have them while also explaining that the child is not biological. This will clear up most of the confusion for the child and they can be confident in themselves and not feel like an outcast in their own home.
In conclusion, choosing to adopt a child from another race is a gift that continues to give in the form of love and learning.
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